Bronson released 13 March

I read a book about legendary nutter Charles Bronson many years ago and always felt it would make a great bio-pic. Well, here it is! And it's good. 

Michael Peterson, better known as Charles Bronson (named after the Death Wish actor for want of a fighting name) has the dubious honour of being known alternately as Britain's 'most notorious prisoner' and 'Britain's most dangerous prisoner'. A fascinatingly complex and self-destructive figure, he has spent most of his life behind bars. Prison gave him the recognition he craved; earning a reputation for insane random acts of violence and a punishing exercise routine.

This grimly humourous and often surreal drama takes us through the pivotal moments of Bronson's (a buffed up Tom Hardy; RocknRolla) life, including hold-ups, prize-fights and dancing to the Pet Shop Boys in a mental hospital. No punches - or kicks, or choke-holds - are pulled along the way.

However, despite Bronson's commitment to ultra-realistic violence (the predictable outcry about glorification can already be heard), the second act of the film concentrates on the man's idiosyncratic artistic ability; developed through prison classes and encouraged by James Lance's (I'm Alan Partridge, Teachers) entertainingly camp teacher. Bronson's twin passions of art and violence culminate in an extraordinary climax, which will surely be one of the most talked about in a British movie this year. 

Essentially an English take on Aussie crime classic Chopper, a similarly cult audience is assured. 

Breakdance 1 and 2 released on DVD

Somehow I had never seen these movies before - despite a love of electro and early hip-hop. I had seen clips, of course. (Van Damme!) Anyway, they are bloody funny. Here is my review...

Breakdance (along with it's sequel Electric Boogaloo) or Breakin' in the US has to be hailed as a serious contender for most 80's movie ever. A bold claim certainly; but one that is wholly supported by weapons of mass distraction such as insane moves, street 'tuff' fashions and plot lines centering on fighting evil corporate yuppies solely through the medium of dance. 

It comes as no surprise that the ludicrously cheesy scrapes involving the three main characters; Ozone, Turbo and, erm, Kelly are merely a vehicle for them and their mates to show off some stunning dancing. Still, the filmmakers were unlikely to have been overly concerned with the depth of plot or character development when coming up with the initial 'concept'. 

As an often hilarious and always endearing slice of 80's nostalgia the Breakdance films are hard to beat. Worth the price alone is a blink and you'll miss him Jean Claude Van Damme breakin' away and a slightly embarrassed looking Ice-T, rapping in distinctly non-gangsterish manner. Fresh, y'all! 

The DVDs are released in UK on 6 April 2009

Stuck released 9 Jan 2009, Mena Suvari, Stephen Rea

Dir. Stuart Gordon

Mena Suvari, Stephen Rea

Stuck manages to pull off the impressive trick of transforming an interesting and bizarre true event into an unwieldy and above all lame horror movie.

Director Stuart Gordon is best know for the hilarious HP Lovecraft inspired romp Re-Animator, an 80's not-so guilty pleasure of a shocker that more than made up for its lack of psychological terror and cinematic ability with a sense of fun and energy that propelled it on its macabre way. 

Sadly, Stuck has none of this. The story is based upon a Texan woman who struck a man while driving and literally left him stuck in her windshield for days while he slowly bled to death. So, nice stuff and fully deserving of a horror flick makeover. Unfortunately, the limp acting (Suvari and Rea are both decent actors, why they became involved with this wrongheaded project is frankly beyond me) and essentially dumb dialogue hamstrings the film before anything of consequence actually happens. 

When Suvari's retirement home worker (the opening scenes detailing her grim daily life- wiping old men's bottoms, that sort of thing - are probably the scariest things in this movie) hits Rea's newly homeless, down on his luck type fella while high, the scene is set for a tiresome battle of wills. While Rea stays stuck in Suvari's garage hanging on to life by a thread, Suvari takes drugs, has sex and wrestles with her conscious. It becomes clear fairly early on that the filmmakers have no idea what to do with this premise and any interest in whether Rea actually makes it out alive is dispensed with just as quickly.

Impossibly crappy looking cinematography only adds fuel to the general ugliness of the piece. Of course, sleep-walking actors, horrendous dialogue and an incredibly irritating soundtrack don't help too much either. Unsure whether to go for the horror juggler or to play it for misanthropic laughs, Stuck remains, well stuck in meaningless limbo of ineptitude. Avoid like the proverbial. 

Stuck is released 9 Jan 2009

The Crew - rel on DVD 12 Jan 2009 - post Lock-Stock cultural waste land anyone? ANYONE??!

The Crew - Out on DVD 12 Jan 2009

Dir. Adrian Vitoria

Scot Williams, Kenny Doughty, Cordelia Bugeja, Rory McCann

Featuring a script so full of tired, worn out gangster cliches it's in danger of kicking itself to death, The Crew marks a disappointing return to the sort of generic 'geezer' thrillers that clogged up the video shops of the post Lock-Stock Brit-flick cultural wasteland. You know the score - gratuitous violence and drug runners with cretinous nick names (Harry the truck) mixed in with often wildly inappropriate bouts of inane comedy. Most of those late 90's offerings never approached Mr Ritchie's debut for style and smart dialogue and The Crew is no exception.

Essentially the story follows Liverpool crime boss Ged Brennan (Williams, a dead ringer for ex-Reds footballer Jamie Redknapp) in his attempt to carry out 'one last job' in order to set himself and his young family up for life. Things don't go to plan however, (of course they don't - it would be a total waste of time if they did, rather than just a large proportion of one) especially when his brother (Doughty) - a local hard nut who hangs around with Tinhead from Brookside - decides he wants a piece of the city's local drug trade. Sickening, usually pointless, violence ensues shot in graphic detail.

Caught up within the manic speed rush of baseball bats and Scouse inflected beatings is a frankly bizarre and implausible sub-plot involving Brennan and his wife Debs (Bugeja) getting conned by a charming couple posing as property dealers. The lady of the honey trap pair seduces Debs in hilarious lesbian fashion that is as contrived as it is unnecessary. It does however provide the film's (unintentional, one assumes) funniest scene. 

All of the characters are wholly unpleasant, even the supposed loveable clown Moby (McCann) is a sex obsessed heavy with a sort of apathetic love for strip joints, masturbation and booze. Ok, so maybe he's not all bad. The rest of the psychopathic bunch stumble around in a semi-coma. only occasionally drawn out of their slumber by talk of the ridiculous 'plan' and the promise of Playstation 3's.

Oddly, these grim personalities of the central players add nothing to the authenticity of the piece - it merely leaves it cold, depressing and intellectually frail. Hardly a recommendation in anyone's book. 

Surveillance - released Jan 9 2009 - Jennifer Lynch does it again.

Surveillance

Rel. Jan 9 2009

Dir. Jennifer Lynch

Bill Pullman, Julia Ormond, Michael Ironside

Jennifer (daughter of David) Lynch hasn't made a movie since 1993's bizarre pseudo S & M mess Boxing Helena. While Surveillance is nowhere near as bad as that piece of soft-core 'erotic' nonsense, it does suffer from similar problems of style, tone and scripting. 

The premise of the film is that the FBI are tracking a pair of serial killers with the help of three different survivors; a drug using teen, a little girl and a police officer. Bill Pullman and Julia Ormond are the agents entrusted with the task of deciphering the mystery. They both give fairly good performances and handle the weak script with as much dignity and guile as they can. Through no fault of his own, cult character actor Michael Ironside (of V, Total Recall and Starship Troopers fame) gives a disappointingly innocuous performance as the local Captain. His character has little to do and seems more of an afterthought than anything else.

While the perversion of authority theme is dealt with reasonably well and at some length - the local officers do an entertaining and disturbing 'good cop/bad cop' routine - there is a huge gaping wound of a flaw lying at the heart of the movie. Without giving too much away, any moviegoer who has seen more than a handful of thrillers or horror movies will see the twist coming a light year away. It is far too obvious - many will suss it after 10 minutes -  and  it irrevocably damages the film. This is a shame as there are some interesting, albeit underdeveloped ideas floating around. The acting is solid enough and at times there is a genuine air of trademark Lynchian family weirdness. However, the lack of any real sort of motivation for the murders, limp dialogue, terrible characterisation and the 10 ton clanger of a 'twist' renders Surveillance lifeless and ultimately pointless.